Thursday, July 3, 2014

The Biggest Loser

Welcome back to the Biggest Loser.

Alison: Frankie, when you entered the Dachshund Ranch in April 2013, you weighed in at 25.6 pounds.

Alison: Before you take your turn on the scale, is there anything you would like to say?

Frankie: Woof woof woof woof WOOF! {I'm freakin' hungry!} Woof WOOF woof Woof WOOF!{These people, they are starving me!} WOOF WOOF woof Woof WOOF!?! {Would it kill them to give me more food!?!}

Alison: Well put Frankie. Frankie, please get on the scale.

Alison: Frankie, your current weight is...

[Beep] 28.2
[Beep] 18.8
[Beep] 22.5
[Beep] 13.7
[Beep] 26.8
[Beep] 20.9
[Beep] 15.2
[Beep] 39.4
[Beep] 5.0
[Beep] 56.7
[Beep] -6.8

[Beep] 17.6

Alison: Frankie, your current weight is 17.6 pounds, a percentage weight loss of 31.25%!

Alison: Frankie, how do you feel?

Frankie: Woof WOOF woof Woof WOOF WOOF! ?!{Hungry, I feel hungry, Alison. Did you not hear me before!?!} 

Alison: [Wipes away a tear] Touching. That is very inspirational Frankie. That's all for The Biggest Loser. Remember next week we have a big surprise, yes, we are once again bringing back Phil! Goodnight everybody!

We took Frankie to the vet in May, thirteen months after his first visit upon getting him last April. We really hate taking the dogs to the vet, and in Frankie's case we hate it more so because the vet had yelled at us about his teeth and we really didn't do anything about them (other than some last minute brushing, which had the same effect as cracking open your chemistry book for the first time the night before the final).

However, we were excited to see what his weight was. He was noticeably thinner (the pictures above do not do his weight loss justice - The Biggest Loser producers are losing their touch). Could we have weighed him at home? Sure, but that would mean getting on the scales ourselves and then back on with him. I won't speak for Frankie's Mommy, but that was something I wanted no part of.

So, right before going in we each guessed his weight. Frankie's Mommy said 17. I said 18.5. The numbers in the Biggest Loser skit were correct. 17.6 (oh crap, I lost). And, unlike Couper and Godiva, it was well measured, as Frankie actually stands still on the scale. We were so excited, we glossed right over getting yelled at once again about his teeth.

And maybe now it is time to give into Frankie's wishes and give him more food (just a little more). After all, this is Frankie as his dinner is being made:

Air Frankie

The biggest lesson learned: It is very easy to put someone else on a diet. Maybe it is Frankie's turn, as the Biggest Loser, to become the mentor and start making our food.