Saturday, January 31, 2009

Puppy Bowl V

Once again we here at the Poop encourage you to watch the big game on Sunday. Of course we are referring to Puppy Bowl V on Animal Planet.

And as with last year, we are disappointed that there are no dachshunds among the participants. However, unlike last year, we have a puppy dachshund this year. Yes, at almost 11 months, she is much older than the other participants (they seem about 10 weeks old), but who knows when this was taped.

Since nobody called, let's see how Godiva would have stacked up to Puppy Bowl standards:
  • Cuter than Cute: Check
  • Run around like a nut: Yes
  • Provoke other dogs: Yes and how
  • Play in the water bowl (filmed by the legendary water bowl cam): Whenever possible
  • Poop and/or Pee indiscriminately: Yes, especially indoors and on carpet (especially when 10 weeks old).
  • Tear toys apart: Yes, a specialty
  • Relentless (won't start something, get scared, and hide in a corner): Yes
So, clearly Godiva would have been an ideal Puppy Bowl player. It is Animal Planets' loss that they did not call.

As for the other game on Sunday, what should our puppies have been invited to play with the hometown Cardinals?

Well, Couper is a natural receiver. There is nothing he likes better than chasing thrown balls. Sometimes Godiva will line up opposite Couper just like a cornerback on a receiver. No matter that Godiva may have the speed advantage, Couper uses his strength and desire to get the ball (often while being interfered with - Godiva is not big on rules).

So, obviously Godiva would not be a cornerback. Her best position would probably be running back. She is great at taking an object, running with it, and eluding people wanting to take the object away. Usually that object is a sock, but the coaching staff could convince her that she is not allowed to have the ball. On the down side, she does not always run forward.

Unfortunately, neither Couper or Godiva were called to play in that game either. The Cards will have to make due with Larry Fitzgerald and Edgerrin James. Good luck with that. It's probably just as well. I would cringe at the Steelers hitting my little buddies.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Happy (Chinese) New Year from the Poop!

Happy (Chinese) New Year from the Poop!

Yes, we missed the Gregorian New Year, but not because of laziness or anything. Nope, not even close. We are contractually only able to issue one New Years post per year and this Chinese New Year is the Year of the Ox. It does not take too much of a stretch (or typo) to make the Year of the Ox into the Year of the Dox. And from there you add an "ie" and it is suddenly the Year of the Doxie. And we here at the Poop can get behind that (much better than getting behind an ox - literally and figuratively). Last year was the year of the Rat, so we chose to celebrate the Gregorian New Year. See, it all works out one way or another.

So our (Chinese) New Years resolution is to post more to the Poop. We are hoping that we can take a few more minutes from taking care of the puppies (or in other words, making sure they are not destroying the house) to be able to write about them.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Presidential Puppy

Apparently there was an election in the US a couple of months ago.  Being that it is football season, I had no idea.  I was supposed to vote for something other than the Miller Light Player of the Game???  Anyhow, it seems the chap who won the presidency publicly promised his daughters that he would get them a puppy.

Since that pronouncement a lot of dachshund sites have been openly campaigning for President-elect Obama  (I’m not making that up, that’s his actual name), to choose a dachshund (apparently there are allergy issues that might prevent that, but I have had dog allergies before, and I have had no problems with dachshunds – therefore, we are going to eliminate that as an issue).  I love dachshunds.  I have two dachshunds myself.  I would not trade my dachshunds for all the money in the world. 

President-elect Obama, I implore you, do not get a dachshund!!!

It isn’t political.  And sure, it would be fun to see dachshunds in the limelight.  However, the last time I checked the Constitution of the United States of America, the President has numerous important responsibilities.  From experience, I know of the time and attention it takes to own a dachshund.  The two are not a good mix.

Consider these potential headlines:
  • President Obama late to State of the Union Address; Chasing puppy who stole his sock around White House residence
  • Oval Office carpet chewed to shreds by President’s puppy
  • President Obama to puppy at 2AM on White House lawn: “Would you pee already? I am the Commander-in-Chief and I command you to pee!”
  • President Obama gets crucial 3AM wake-up call; Puppy wants to play
  • Vice President Biden to undergo shoulder surgery; Job throwing ball for President’s puppy too much for 66 year old arm
  • President Obama begins 2 week journey to Europe, Asia; Puppy mopes, stands guard at White House door
  • Russian President Putin’s ankles mauled by White House puppy at start of summit; “I heard the barking at the door, but went in anyhow”
  • President Obama takes no action on Farm Bill; “The puppy ate it.  Honest”
  • President Obama skips G8 summit; Has to take puppy to the vet.
  • First Lady to Prez: “Quit signing bills!  Make the puppy its dinner!”
  • President’s press conference drowned out by barking puppy
  • State Dinner ruined when President’s puppy poops on floor; French Prime Minister hospitalized after fainting into soup
  • Presidential puppy chews open nuclear briefcase; President Obama issues apology to what remains of Albania.
Sure, any of these things could happen if he gets another breed of dog.  Since I know nothing of other breeds of dog, I cannot be sure.  But I am 100% positive that each and every one of the headlines above would absolutely become true if he got a dachshund puppy.   So, please Mr. Obama, I beg you, do not get a dachshund puppy.  

Think of the country.  Think of Albania.