Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I Bought Godiva a Snuggie - Now She's Smarter Than Me

If you are a fan of late night television (or programs that can't sell real advertising - you know - Coke, Budweiser, Ford, Depends .etc), then you know what a Snuggie is. For those more fortunate, a Snuggie is a blanket with sleeves. Remember the old days, when blankets didn't have sleeves? Ever try to use a remote, or read a book, or drink some coffee while wrapped up in one of those things? Impossible! You were trapped like a dolphin in a tuna net. Pretty much all you could do was scratch yourself. Well, a Snuggie solves that problem. It has sleeves built right into the blanket. So now you can eat a piece of pie, or do a crossword puzzle, or do the wave all while staying warm.

That's great for people, but what about our best friends? Are they doomed to inactivity while trying to stay warm? Nope. They came out with Snuggies for Dogs.

And I got Godiva one for Christmas. Why?

Well, for one thing, she gets cold easily. At the very least, she shows the effects of the cold more than Couper.

More importantly, take a look at the box:

If you know anything about us (specifically me), we do not pass up items that have Little Buddies on them. So, realistically, since the box has a red dachshund on it, I should have gotten this for Couper. Except that the Petsmart did not have the blue Snuggies for Dogs in that size (side note: I knew the size was going to be too small as well, but the next size up had one of the other leading dog breeds on it, and I was not having any of that. I was getting the box with the Little Buddy on the front, right size or not. I really should be institutionalized, or at least get a thorough check-up).

I was pretty excited about my purchase, until I looked at the back of the box. Remember how people could be warm and productive with Snuggies for Humans? Well look at the picture on the bottom left:

A little closer:

That's right. Dogs playing backgammon. Suddenly I got scared. I can't play backgammon. Couper's Mommy can't play backgammon. There is a good chance that you can't play backgammon. In fact I think backgammon is one of those games that the Most Interesting Man in the World plays (I may be confusing backgammon with backarat, but even so, I bet the 10,000th Most Interesting Man in the World plays backgammon. Point being, I think you have to have a Most Interesting Man ranking to play backgammon). Now, because she has a Snuggie for Dogs, Godiva is going to be playing backgammon. She'll probably demand that we get one for Couper so that she will have someone to play backgammon with, because, again, we sure can't play backgammon.

Now, it isn't as if I haven't long ago resigned myself as Couper and Godiva's unpaid servant. I realize they control the house. I know it every third step I take in the house when my foot lands on a toy or a bone. However, I always thought I had the intellectual upper hand. I have read books (a few that didn't even involve coloring). I graduated from college somehow. I can add two two-digit numbers together. But now I envisioned an intellectual shift in the house. The puppies playing backgammon would just be the start. They would also have us turn off "The Girls Next Door" and turn on the Discovery Channel. Godiva would spend her time solving quadradic equations while Couper studied Shakespeare. It would be the Planet of the Puppies, with Couper's Mommy and me as Nova and Charlton Heston and Couper and Godiva as Dr. Zaius and Zira.

Then we opened up the box and put the (too small) Snuggie for Dogs on Godiva:

Have you ever seen a happier puppy? I'll be lucky if the Humane Society does not break down the door and arrest me for subjecting her to this. Not only would there be no backgammon, there would be no movement whatsoever until one of us took this insane contraption off of her. And since she and Couper like to chew blankets anyhow, there are plenty of leg holes for backgammon or holding a bone anyhow.

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