Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Happy New Year From the Poop! Let's Take Inventory

Happy New Year!

We're going to try something a little different this year. Yes, I will still come up with about 20 stories about our puppies that I will write in my mind but surely never get around to writing with keyboard. The Godiva rehab story is top amongst them. It is a tough one to write, not to mention that it is ongoing. She is fine, and maybe we worry too much, but there are OK days and there are not so OK days.

Also on tap:
Rampway to Heaven
Frankie Jumping Bean
Couper Plays Blankee

They will be the medium quality nonsense that you come to expect from the Poop.

But coming off a Christmas in which we got the following dachshund items:

Corn cob holders
Hot dog Leash
Watering Can
Ceramic figure
Temporary Tatoos
Ring Holder
Salt and Pepper Shaker
Ice Cube Tray
Stuffed Animal
Some sort of Japanese paper puzzle thing

And probably more stuff that I am temporarily forgetting...adding to the insane amount of dachshund stuff that we already own, I thought I would take inventory here and share a few of our treasured items.

Let's start with the just ended holidays.

What's the best part of Christmas?

Kids would say the presents.

The spiritual would say the celebration of the birth of baby Jesus.

Some would say spending time with family.

Some might say the Christmas songs.

They would all be wrong!

(Especially the song crowd. You think you are tired of "Holly Jolly Christmas"? What if you were a retail clerk? Know why they are so cranky? It's not because they are overwhelmed by desperate customers. It's because they have heard "Holly Jolly Christmas" 835 times in the past 20 days. And they know that "Santa Baby" can't be too far behind. And then "Jingle Bell Rock", which is a total lie because it is neither "Jingle Bells" nor does it rock. Of course they are cranky. You should be glad they aren't homicidal. So you need to change the game, because if you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem:

Old: Excuse me, do you have this scarf in burnt orange?

New: Look, I have a sledge hammer and a blow torch in this Macy's bag. Point me to the satanic device cranking out "Holly Jolly Christmas" and I will take care of it once and for all. And while I'm doing that, could you please check in the back and see if you have this scarf in burnt orange. 

Problem solved.)

No, the best part of Christmas is that for one month out of the year, the neighborhood changes. Outdoor decorations and lights change the same old crap that you look at for eleven months into something completely different.

So, yes, we have the traditional icicle lights off the garage and the net lighting over the bushes.

We also have four outdoor dachshund lights that have a total of six dachshunds.

So, you are asking yourself, "Wow, four dachshund lights totaling six dachshunds in one house, that must be a record!" You would be wrong. The record is at least five dachshund lights totaling seven dachshunds, because we have another dachshund light that is in repair and we did not put out this year.

Last year we had two dachshund lights, the one that is currently broken and one of the small ones out front.

Then in October I read on one of those other dachshund blogs that Lowes and Home Depot had new dachshund lights for sale. So off we went. After buying the larger dachshund that is in the window at Lowes (along with jumping singing dachshunds for indoor use), you w
ould think we would call it a success and go home. You would think wrong. Off to Home Depot we went. We couldn't resist the blow up dachshund and since we went this far, why not get the other smaller dachshund as well. Two
hundred dollars later and our day was done. For the record, based on doing essentially the same thing when we got our other smaller dachshund two years ago, there is no waiting until after Christmas for markdowns on dachshund lights. You get out there early and buy or you do without. (The fun part was that now that we had all this new outdoor electronics, we needed to go back to Home Depot to spend another $100 to hook all these dachshunds up. Yay Christmas!)

So, this brings me to my next idea...

Last week we, along with everyone else on the planet took down our Christmas lights and dachshunds. You drive down the street at night and it seems very dark. Why do we need to wait 11 months to light things up again? Now we can't have Christmas stuff up all year. That might embolden people to play Holly Jolly Christmas all year. We need another holiday. People do dress up the yard with Halloween stuff in October, and that is pretty good. But I have a different holiday in mind. Six months from Christmas, is the 4th of July. Perfect timing. right in the middle. So, on Memorial Day weekend people would go out and put up their red, white, and blue decorations and lights. On the weekend after the 4th people would take them back down. Who would be against this? And what does this all have to do with dachshunds? Well, I desperately want an outdoor 4th of July light that looks like this:

By the way, our next inventory topic, dachshund figurines.

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