Happy 2nd Birthday Godiva!!!

Happy 2nd Birthday to our favorite puppy girl, Godiva!!!

It is hard to believe that our little girl is 2 already. I went with pictures of her doing two of her favorite things, napping and playing football. I really need a picture of her stealing socks.

In honor or her birthday, a quick Godiva story:

We like to kid about Godiva chewing hands and feet, but she has grown out of that a little. She really has become the cuddle puppy that we were hoping for. However, just snuggling up next to a leg on the sofa sometimes isn't enough for her. Her new thing is to climb up on either me or her mommy and smother us. Not just a full body hug, but climbing onto our body and then putting her head over our face. She does this on the sofa, or even more fun, in bed in the middle of the night. To make it more fun, she will then give us little licks. If she positions herself just right, her tongue will make it into a nostril or two. Yes, that is every bit as unpleasant to experience as it is to read. We wanted a cuddle puppy. We wanted the bitey puppy gone. We got it. Just a bit more of extreme than we were planning on.

Happy Birthday Godiva!!! From Couper, Mommy, and Daddy!!!

I Bought Godiva a Snuggie - Now She's Smarter Than Me

If you are a fan of late night television (or programs that can't sell real advertising - you know - Coke, Budweiser, Ford, Depends .etc), then you know what a Snuggie is. For those more fortunate, a Snuggie is a blanket with sleeves. Remember the old days, when blankets didn't have sleeves? Ever try to use a remote, or read a book, or drink some coffee while wrapped up in one of those things? Impossible! You were trapped like a dolphin in a tuna net. Pretty much all you could do was scratch yourself. Well, a Snuggie solves that problem. It has sleeves built right into the blanket. So now you can eat a piece of pie, or do a crossword puzzle, or do the wave all while staying warm.

That's great for people, but what about our best friends? Are they doomed to inactivity while trying to stay warm? Nope. They came out with Snuggies for Dogs.

And I got Godiva one for Christmas. Why?

Well, for one thing, she gets cold easily. At the very least, she shows the effects of the cold more than Couper.

More importantly, take a look at the box:

If you know anything about us (specifically me), we do not pass up items that have Little Buddies on them. So, realistically, since the box has a red dachshund on it, I should have gotten this for Couper. Except that the Petsmart did not have the blue Snuggies for Dogs in that size (side note: I knew the size was going to be too small as well, but the next size up had one of the other leading dog breeds on it, and I was not having any of that. I was getting the box with the Little Buddy on the front, right size or not. I really should be institutionalized, or at least get a thorough check-up).

I was pretty excited about my purchase, until I looked at the back of the box. Remember how people could be warm and productive with Snuggies for Humans? Well look at the picture on the bottom left:

A little closer:

That's right. Dogs playing backgammon. Suddenly I got scared. I can't play backgammon. Couper's Mommy can't play backgammon. There is a good chance that you can't play backgammon. In fact I think backgammon is one of those games that the Most Interesting Man in the World plays (I may be confusing backgammon with backarat, but even so, I bet the 10,000th Most Interesting Man in the World plays backgammon. Point being, I think you have to have a Most Interesting Man ranking to play backgammon). Now, because she has a Snuggie for Dogs, Godiva is going to be playing backgammon. She'll probably demand that we get one for Couper so that she will have someone to play backgammon with, because, again, we sure can't play backgammon.

Now, it isn't as if I haven't long ago resigned myself as Couper and Godiva's unpaid servant. I realize they control the house. I know it every third step I take in the house when my foot lands on a toy or a bone. However, I always thought I had the intellectual upper hand. I have read books (a few that didn't even involve coloring). I graduated from college somehow. I can add two two-digit numbers together. But now I envisioned an intellectual shift in the house. The puppies playing backgammon would just be the start. They would also have us turn off "The Girls Next Door" and turn on the Discovery Channel. Godiva would spend her time solving quadradic equations while Couper studied Shakespeare. It would be the Planet of the Puppies, with Couper's Mommy and me as Nova and Charlton Heston and Couper and Godiva as Dr. Zaius and Zira.

Then we opened up the box and put the (too small) Snuggie for Dogs on Godiva:

Have you ever seen a happier puppy? I'll be lucky if the Humane Society does not break down the door and arrest me for subjecting her to this. Not only would there be no backgammon, there would be no movement whatsoever until one of us took this insane contraption off of her. And since she and Couper like to chew blankets anyhow, there are plenty of leg holes for backgammon or holding a bone anyhow.

Puppies of the Decade!!!

This just in, Couper and Godiva have been named puppies of the decade!!! Puppies of the '00's? Well, yes, but that is not breaking news. They were named that a long time ago. Nope, they are the puppies of the new decades, the '10's. That's right. A panel of independent experts have given the prestigious award to Couper and Godiva. So, the rest of you puppies can take the decade off and hope for the best in the '20's.

Happy New Year from the Poop!

A Christmas Miracle

No, nobody saved a life, or rescued a child from a presentless Christmas, or made a 7 course meal out of gruel and tree bark. But I think this ranks right up there.

Take a look at the following picture:

Looks like an ordinary stocking ornament on a tree, right?

Now take a look in a wider context:

Looks like the ornament is near the bottom of the tree. Nothing extraordinary there still, no?

Now look at this picture:


Uh, oh. Trouble.

Here is the miracle. That stocking stayed in that position on the tree for a whole month of December. We had bet it would be gone by the 3rd.

Top that Tiny Tim!

Oh Dachshund Tree

The world's largest and finest Dachshund tree*. (Click on picture for larger view)

Merry Christmas from the Poop!

* Based on no actual research. May not be the world's largest or finest Dachshund tree. May in fact be the world's smallest and lousiest Dachshund tree. However, it is the only Dachshund tree we have, and it is a mighty nice Dacshund tree at that.

Couper and Godiva Give Thanks

This year for Thanksgiving, I have assigned Couper and Godiva to sit down and write about all the things for which they are thankful. How did they do that? We have a WoofToEnglish Didactic Transmodulator 3000 hooked to the USB2 port. What, like there is another way?

Couper: So, Big Buddy wants us to list all the things that make us thankful
Godiva: What is thankful?
Couper: All the things we like.
Godiva: Tail waggers?
Couper: Sure
Godiva: I have one!!! Yummies!!! Yummies!!! Yummies!!!
Couper: Alright already. I heard you the first time. Yummies!!!
Godiva: Ooh. I love yummies! They’re delicious.
Couper: I know, they’re like, yummy. Maybe we should list all the things we do to get yummies. Like poop.
Godiva: Pooping is fun!!! Daddy says so. He says it is because it is stinky and we get to use our hinies.
Couper: Yeah, I’ve heard him say that too. I never thought pooping was quite as fun as he makes it seem.
Godiva: But we get yummies for it!
Couper: Yup, so it goes on the list.
Godiva: I guess peeing should go on the list too.
Couper: I agree. Now that is fun. I get to pee on things like trees, and bushes, and patio lamps, and house columns, and your pee.
Godiva: Why do you do that?
Couper: Because I am top dog.
Godiva: Says who?
Couper: Says me, because I pee on top of your pee.
Godiva: Oh. I don’t really pee on anything, but it is fun, because we get yummies, if we do it outside.
Couper: Yeah, outside seems important. I’m not sure why we have to pee and poop outside all the time, and I only see mommy or Big Buddy pee or poop outside sometimes.
Godiva: Maybe we should list going outside.
Couper: Going potty outside, or just going outside?
Godiva: Just going outside. Sometimes we get a yummie just for doing that.
Couper: I know. It’s confusing, but I’m not complaining. Know what else is cool? When we go outside and only I pee, then we go inside and both get a yummie. And then you sit at the door a minute later and we both go outside and you pee and we go inside and both get a yummie again. That’s much better than when we go outside once and both pee and then only get one yummie.
Godiva: Yeah! Thanks for teaching me that one early on. Should we list that?
Couper: Nope. We don’t want anyone to know our secret.
Godiva: Yeah, like the refuse the first yummie trick?
Couper: Right, where I refuse to eat the first yummie, so then Big Buddy gives me a second yummie and I then eat both.
Godiva: Genius!!!
Couper: Thanks. Let’s not list that either.
Godiva: So what should we list?
Couper: Well, we get yummies for sitting. Let’s list that.
Godiva: Good one. I don’t get that either. We just sit and get a yummie for it.
Couper: I know. How easy is that. If they gave Big Buddy a yummie every time he sat, he would weigh 450 pounds.
Godiva: Good one, Couper. Should we list all the yummies we like?
Couper: No, that would take too much time. Hey, know what else? We eat din din too. I like din din.
Godiva: Me too. I’m really thankful when Mommy or Daddy crush a liver yummie in it. I like to pretend I’m not interested until they do. So it’s kinda like another thing that we get a yummie for.
Couper: Yeah, I get one too. Thanks. Getting a yummie for eating din din. That’s pretty nice.
Godiva: And breakfast too! Let’s list that.
Couper: Yeah, that’s good too. I hear Mommy say all the time that it takes longer to make our breakfast than her and daddy’s breakfast. It is a delicious breakfast!
Godiva: Especially when we get liver yummies crushed in it!!!
Couper: How about Sunday Lunch, you know, where we get a chew treat while Mommy and Daddy eat lunch on Sunday.
Godiva: And Saturday too!!!
Couper: I know, but they still call it Sunday Lunch for some reason.
Godiva: Daddy and Mommy are strange sometimes.
Couper: Hey, enough about food, how have we gone this far without being thankful for playing?!?!?!?
Godiva: Well, playing is fun, but I don’t get to do it much. You always steal my toys.
Couper: Yeah, and toys too!!! Playing and toys!!! Oh I like playing and toys!!! Let’s quit this goofy list and play with toys!!!
Godiva: I think Daddy wants us to do this list.
Couper: Oh, yeah. I guess we owe it to him. He plays a lot. In the old house, he even played with me when he was in the shower. That was the best.
Godiva: I like playing too, but you…
Couper: And while watching TV. TV is great because daddy will just sit there and throw the ball while watching. He also plays when he is brushing his teeth. I sit around the corner and push the ball towards him, so he can’t see me, and then he kicks it out to me. Man, I could play all day with toys!!!
Godiva: always take the toy…
Couper: And outside is the best. Mommy says we got this new house just because the yard is big so that I could play. I like playing!!! And toys, did I mention toys???
Godiva: So I wind up chasing lizards. Hey,what about lizards? I don’t like lizards. Should we list that?
Couper: I think we’re only supposed to list things we like.
Godiva: I like chasing them.
Couper: But you don’t like lizards themselves. Let’s not list things we don’t like, like doorbells, and strangers, and loud noises, and other people playing, and other dogs barking, and unreachable toys, and baths, and wind, and cold.
Godiva: Yeah, let’s not list vacuums, and loud trucks, and motorcycles, and birds, and bunnies, and when Mommy and Daddy leave.
Couper: Agreed. We won’t list those.
Godiva: I like to chew things. Can we be thankful for chewing?
Couper: Sure. Chewing is great.
Godiva: We could list all our chew toys, like bones, and rope, and rugs, and blankets, and sofas, and toes.
Couper: Mommy and Daddy don’t like it when you chew a lot of those things. Especially toes.
Godiva: So, they can keep those off their list. They are making a list too, aren’t they?
Couper: Not sure. They don’t like when you steal laundry either. Should we put that on our list too?
Godiva: Yes!!! I love stealing socks!!! That’s the most fun.
Couper: Got it. This is tiring. Can we take a nap?
Godiva: Naps! Let’s list naps!
Couper: Great idea. Taking naps with Big Buddy on the sofa or Mommy on the bed are the best.
Godiva: And sleeping in the bed at night. That’s the best too!
Couper: I like sleeping between my Big Buddy’s legs.
Godiva: I like sleeping on my Mommy’s legs.
Couper: Sometimes I like to crawl under the covers and lick Big Buddy’s legs.
Godiva: I like to crawl on Daddy’s pillow and put my head on his face. Hey, should we list these?
Couper: We’ll list sleeping in the bed. They aren’t as excited about the other things as we are.
Godiva: I’m thankful they take me outside to go potty during the night.
Couper: They aren’t as thankful that you do that either.
Godiva: No wonder I don’t get yummies for that.
Couper: Hey, I’m thankful for neck rubs and belly rubs! I’ve learned that if you nudge under Mommy or Daddy’s hand with your head, they automatically give you a neck rub.
Godiva: I really like belly rubs!!! I can lie on my back for 10 minutes waiting for one.
Couper: OK, those are on the list. Anything else?
Godiva: Walks!!! I love walks!
Couper: Me too! We get to bark and pee and poop around the neighborhood.
Godiva: I just walk, but I like them anyway. I like to pull Mommy around. That’s fun.
Couper: I went to Kindergarten to learn not to pull Daddy. You’ll go and learn that someday too.
Godiva: But you still pull Daddy too.
Couper: I know. That’s what’s great about Kindergarten, we get a diploma and the people soon forget.
Godiva: Wow, you are the coolest big brother.
Couper: Alright, anything else? Are we forgetting anything?
Godiva: Did we list yummies?
Couper: Yup. And playing. We have playing and toys and playing.
Godiva: Hmmm. I can’t think of anything. Can you?
Couper: Nope, not really…
Godiva: Hey, what about Mommy…
Couper: and Daddy!
Godiva: Yeah, let’s list them. They’re pretty nice to us.
Couper: They sure are. I have been in other houses where I didn’t get this much stuff and attention. I’m glad they found me.
Godiva: I’m glad they found me too.
Couper: OK, I’m listing them. I hope we’re on their list too. They’re doing a list too, aren’t they?
Godiva: I hope so.

(Editor’s Note: Nope, we’re not doing a list)

Couper: This being Thankful is exhausting. Let's go outside, go potty, get a yummy, find Mommy and Daddy, take a nap, and get a belly rub.
Godiva: Sounds good to me.


Have a Happy Thanksgiving. As always, don’t dress your dachshunds up as Turkeys this week

Happy Halloweiner - The Worst Day of the Year for Dogs

Happy Halloweiner from the Poop!

Without a doubt, Halloween is the worst day of the year for dogs.

First, you have the evil looking Halloween decorations:


Then you have all the kids ringing the doorbell:

And worst of all, you have those humans who just have to dress you up in some sort of ridiculous costume (or worse, multiple ridiculous costumes) and then have the nerve to laugh at you:


It has to get better tomorrow.

Happy Halloweiner. And please remember, don't dress your puppy up as a Butterfinger Bar. It might get eaten.