Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Bee Movie Review

When movie is relevant to Couper, and we have seen it, and we have the time and energy to write about it, we will review said movie. Our first (and only???) movie review: Bee Movie

On a nice late September Sunday afternoon when Couper was a little boop, Couper, Couper’s Mommy, and I were playing outside. In Arizona, late September means temperatures over 100 and dry. When temperatures run hot, we make a pool for Couper using a baby pool from Walmart. He is not crazy about water, but even when little he learned that jumping in a pool and cooling off was a great way to keep playing outside. It is even a very delicious source of drinking water. Apparently water out of a hose that has made contact with one’s hiney is tastier than fresh R.O. water with R.O. ice cubes.

As we found out, when the air dries out in late September, another group that likes the pool water is bees. There would often be one or two buzzing around the pool. Occasionally one would fall in and we would have to scoop it out. We did not like it, but we could not figure out how to get rid of them. On this day, there were a couple zipping in and around the water.

As we were playing that September day, Couper suddenly let out a loud yelp and was furiously rubbing his head on the ground. When we picked him up to see what was wrong, we saw that his left eye was completely swollen shut. It did not take long to figure out that he had been stung in the eye by a bee. We looked up on the internet how to treat this and did what we could. Being late on a Sunday afternoon, vets were not open. As Couper was actually playing and eating, the vet said that he could wait to be seen on Monday. However that night we had to look at him struggle to open his eye as puss flowed from it, wondering if he could see out of it or if he would be able to keep it.

As it turned out he was stung not on the eyelid, or near the eye, but directly on the eyeball. The bee got him before he could even blink. The vet gave him medicine and proved that he could still see. He was able to keep his eye and in a week or two, you would never know that anything happened.

The Bee Movie is an animated tale from Dream Works and Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld on Seinfeld). It centers on Seinfeld’s character Barry who upon graduating bee school finds out that a bee picks a job that it keeps for life. Unsatisfied with his choices, Barry unofficially latches on with the commando squadrons that leave the hive to gather pollen from flowers in the outside world. You know the kind of squadrons that sting poor innocent little dachshunds directly in the eyeball. Don’t wait for that point to be brought up in this movie however.

Over the course of the movie’s 84 minutes Barry befriends a human (Rene Zellweger - The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre), learns that humans eat honey, learns that humans make honey in honey farms with captive bees, sues the human race, wins, frees bees, inadvertently kills off all the earth’s plants, decides that’s not so good, steals a Rose Parade float, flies a jet plane, re-pollinates the planet, and lives happily ever after with his human friend in a cushy Central Park West locale. Along the way, we learn the following bee facts (many of which were not covered in fourth grade science): bees make honey; bees have one job; bees work hard; bees can’t fly in the rain; bees drive cars; bees have apartments in their hives furnished like the Jetsons; bees use elaborate gizmos to collect pollen; bees speak English; bees have their own TV networks; bees have their own Larry King (Larry King of Larry King Live); bees are essential to the survival of the planet.

However, nowhere in the movie shall you learn that bees sting poor innocent little dachshunds in the freaking eyeball!!!! Like this doesn’t even happen. Except for one small problem. It does. It has. And it could again. I guess if Dream Works and Seinfeld ever make a movie about Charles Manson it would go something like this: He’s nutty; he gathers hippies in a camp; they become a "family"; they listen to Beatles songs; the end. Something’s missing, isn’t it?

I give Bee Movie 9 paws way down.

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