Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Couper's Poop FAQ

The following is the long awaited Couper’s Poop FAQ.

What is a FAQ?
Frequently Asked Questions

Do people actually ask questions about this blog?

Who is Couper?
Couper is our short-haired red miniature dachshund. He was born 10/1/2002 and came into Couper's Mommy's and Big Buddy's lives on 9/6/2003.

Why are you writing Couper’s Poop?
We wanted to document the many stories about Couper that we have accumulated.

Why should we care? Couldn’t you have just bought a notebook and left us alone?
You might not care. This was going to be a private blog, but the Google login was too confusing, so we opened it up to the world. We had bought a few Dog Journals, but have not filled them out. The internet is more fun anyhow.

There are almost no entries from 2/2007 until 10/2007. What, was Couper hibernating? Or did nothing happen in those months?
I created the blog in 2/2007. I was struggling on how to get started and then Couper was enrolled in “Kindergarten” in 10/2007. I figured that was a good way to really start the blog.

When Couper was in Kindergarten you posted 2 or more entries a week. Now you post whenever. What’s the deal?
I am lazy.

Is Couper a real dog or a composite of many real dogs?
Couper is real.

Is Couper’s Mommy real or a composite of many real dogs’ mommies?
Couper’s Mommy is real.

Is Big Buddy real or a composite of many real big buddies?

I am a fragment of my imagination.

Couper’s Mommy is listed as a contributor, but all posts are from Big Buddy. What kind of crap is that?
Couper’s Mommy is more the managing editor of the blog. I write, she screens. Nothing goes out without her approval. Therefore, if anything stinks, you could say that it is her fault.

In the post of 1/28/2008 you talk about Couper not being able to bring a tennis ball in the house. However in your post of 12/20/2007, you show a picture of Couper in the house with a tennis ball. How do you explain this?

With all the pain and suffering in the world, why blog about something as insignificant as your dog?
Real bloggers on real subjects are required by law to blog in their pajamas from their parent’s basement. I have my own house, no pajamas, and there are few if any basements in Arizona. So, we’ll continue writing this nonsense.

Your blog seems like an excuse to post pictures of your dog on the internet. Ever heard of Flickr?
It is an excuse to post pictures of Couper on the internet and I have heard of Flickr. This blog is also an excuse to write about my dog, which is usually a bad idea in something like work e-mails.

Your posts take like an hour to read. How can I get that time back?
Flux Capacitors

I read your blog and hated it. Can I get my money back?
Please contact your internet service provider for monetary refunds.

Your blog stinks. Do I have to read it?
Only if you are a member of Couper’s immediate family.

How many drinks do I need to actually tolerate this blog?
Informal studies show that 4-7 drinks are optimal for Couper’s Poop tolerance. Add an extra drink if you are reading it at work. (Results may vary. Please consult a licensed bartender before starting any drinking program).

It is obvious that this blog is just a rip off of Marley and Me and Bottle Cap Sundaes. How can I sue?
Yes, it is a clear rip off of those books. If you are John Grogan or Patrick M. Sheridan, call your respective publisher. I am sure they have an army of lawyers on the payroll. If you are not one of them, look in the phone book under Attorneys, Shady.

This blog is excruciating. Do they let anybody write blogs these days?
Pretty much.

You didn’t quit your day job to write this drivel, did you?
Once, but not recently.

When the writers’ strike is over, will you hire real writers to write this blog?

Wouldn’t this blog be better if Couper was a border collie named Coelestinus?
If you own a border collie named Coelestinus, yes.

Any chance this blog will quit posting about a dachshund and start posting hard core porn or World of Warcraft cheat codes?
Probably not.

The blog is getting stale. Will you introduce a new character like Scrappy Doo or that little Martian that only could be seen and heard by Fred Flintstone?
Back in the ‘90’s we added a super cool dog with attitude, but it did not go over well. We had to inexplicably shoot him off into space. Our core cast will stay as is for the time being: Couper, Couper’s Mommy, Big Buddy, and our wisecracking neighbor Roy.

The name of this blog is vile. You should be ashamed of yourself. Are you?
Yes. Up to this point, not about the name of the blog, but from here on out I am ashamed of myself about that too.

Do you “write” other blogs?
No. Couper’s Poop is enough.

Don’t real FAQs have a list of linked questions at the top so that I can just go to the question I am interested in without having to read through a bunch of garbage that I couldn’t care less about?

Will you update this FAQ?
Probably not.

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