Friday, March 28, 2008

You Are What You're Fed

Couper’s Mommy and I make an effort to try to eat right. We don’t exactly kill ourselves trying - we both work (Lottery, hello???) and resort to heat-up meals and pizza from time to time - but we try. We also are on a budget right now and try not to go crazy with exotic foods or eating out too much. Generally we eat, to varying degrees, a lot of chicken, some pasta, hamburgers, steak, and of course pizza.

Couper on the other hand eats this:
  • Main breakfast and dinner: Evo – (Beef, lamb, buffalo, venison, potatoes, eggs, apples, carrots, tomatoes)
  • Breakfast Add-in: Salmon treats.
  • Dinner Add-in: Born to be Wild – ($25/lb) (Bison, elk, venison, freeze dried fresh fruits and vegetables, concentrated Omega3, Anitoxidants)
  • Yummies:
  • Chicken and Apple – ($18/lb) - Free Range chicken wrapped around an apple. He loves these and get them as a reward if he does a number 3 (that's a number one and number two in one trip outside).
  • Chicken Jerky - $25 a pound
  • Turkey Jerky - $25 a pound - When available
  • Liver Biscotti
  • Newman Biscuits
  • Iams Biscuits
  • Freeze Dried Ice Cream (Previously mentioned).
  • Pupperoni – We know that is not healthy, but sometimes you have to eat the equivalent of McDonalds/Dairy Queen
Before we go on to how we got to this point let me point out a couple of things. Couper's Mommy and I never eat things that are $25/lb. I think I would have six coronaries while grilling something that was $25/lb and then would not be able to enjoy it afterwards because it couldn't live up to expectations - not to mention the six coronaries, which I bet hurts. Couper's Mommy and I also rarely eat exotic stuff like venison, elk, and lamb. We rarely have buffalo. I am not sure I want venison or elk, but it sounds exciting. All the chicken that Couper's Mommy and I eat have never seen a free range in their lives, unless there are free range McNuggets that I don't know about. There, I got that off my chest.

How we got here...
It wasn’t always like this. When we first got Couper, he was “eating” Kibbles and Bits. Closer to the truth is he was picking at Kibbles and Bits but really saving his appetite for yummies. One day I went to Wal-Mart and they were giving away sample bags of Iams. The lady patiently explained to me that the sample was to take home for my dog and not for me to eat at the store (to be safe, when offered samples of chicken enchiladas at Costco, I now ask if it is for me or the dog – they generally are not amused). Anyhow, I brought it home, Couper ate it, and we switched to the “healthier” dog food.

As time passed we added more Iams products to Couper’s diet. They invented three varieties of sauce to mix with his food; beef, chicken, and bacon. Of course Couper’s Big Buddy was all over buying him that. Couper loved that stuff and eventually became picky about eating without it. Iams also got in the business of making pouches of wet dog food. It was not messy like cans and actually looked pretty decent. Couper would inhale those when he was lucky enough to get them.
Couper always had top notch yummies, but we did have a lot more Beggin' Treats and Snausages in those days to go along with his freeze dried ice cream and liver biscotti.

Things were going along pretty smoothly until the spring of 2007 and the big pet food recall. At first it looked like we were safe, that only the most generic of canned dog foods were involved. Then it kept expanding. Soon it was discovered that many of the major manufacturers were using the same suppliers. Then we saw Couper’s Iams sauce and pouched foods on the list. One or the other that we fed him at least once daily for the last six months. The codes on the products we had corresponded with the recalled codes.

To make matters worse, while investigating dog food on the internet, we discovered that grapes were bad for dogs. Couper’s Mommy and I had been eating grapes for desert in our quest to eat healthy. One day one of us (likely Big Buddy – maybe even accidentally) dropped one and Couper ate it right up. Not knowing any better, we began to share them with him. Hey, they’re natural right? Must be OK. It got to the point that if we had grapes and were not sharing, he would give us the sad-eyed stare down. If we ate them on the sofa, he would not just climb up on our laps to get a grape, he would climb up our bodies. We also got into the habit of putting a grape in with his dog food if he needed incentive to eat.

So between the Iams recall and grapes, we were scared to death. To compound things, Couper had hurt his back the previous Christmas. Now we were unsure if his occasional lethargy was due to his back or our poisoning him (A subsequent vet visit confirmed it was his back).

We had visited the “natural dog food store” in our town (your town has one too, I guarantee it) before, but despite a lecture from the owner on the evils of “corporate” dog food and the virtues of “natural” food, had stayed with Iams. After the recall, we were determined to change. We did our research on the internet and decided to go with Dick Van Patten’s Natural Balance. Yes, dog food endorsed by name by the dad on Eight is Enough. How could we go wrong? It’s not like his snacks were named after Willie Ames. (Side note: Dick Van Patten beat out Paul Newman, thought you would never see that in print in any context, did you?). Well, it went wrong. Couper enjoyed the food, but not more than a month or two later, some of Dick’s products were recalled. Amazingly, two of the products we had bought were among the recalled items. We should have known better, considering the haphazard way he raised Nicolas all those years ago.

So we changed foods again. This time we went primal with Evo, which claims to be "the ancestral diet". We stopped buying chicken jerky from Costco, despite the appealing price, because it was made in China and started buying the $25/pound variety made in the USA. Although Couper likes his new food, we got talked into the Born to Be Wild supplement that he scarfs down. Hopefully, we now have the healthiest eating dog in the world. He at least eats healthier than his best human friends. It seems easier to eat healthy when you are being fed then when you have control of your own diet. Maybe we should have Couper feed us. Then maybe we can find out if we like elk and venison.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Poop

Before we start with the St. Patty's Day festivities, let's first wish Couper's youngest human cousin a happy 4th birthday! She loves to play with Couper and for some reason pronounces his name Quepa; as if she were from Brooklyn (she isn't). So in honor of her birthday, that is how we will say his name for the remainder of this post.

Now on with the show.

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Poop!!!

I know, I know. We have run that picture of Quepa and the beer toy four or five times already. But, drinking is what you think about when you think St. Patrick's Day, right? They don't have Irish Whiskey, Irish Cream, Irish Coffee, Irish Mist, Irish Wakes, and the Kennedy's for nothing. But so as not to stereotype the Irish or St. Patrick's Day, here is a picture of Quepa with another of Ireland's fine products:


Oh, who are we kidding:


Happy St. Patty's Day from Quepa and the Poop!.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Happee Birfday Big Buddy

Hi everywon. Couper heer. Big Buddy left the compewt0r on, so I hopped up here to wish him a Happee Birfday. Nice securitee Big Bud! Anyhow, my Big Buddys birfday is today and Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff. Sorry, a berd waz on the wall owtside. He is gone now. You may onedur how I am tieping? I have fore paws, a noze, and a tale. I am a tieping masheen. Back to my Big Buddys birfday. My mommy saz he is reel old. How old? Well when he waz born Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff. Sorry, kids were playing baketball outside. Wear waz I? O yeah, Big Buddy has a birfday tooday. He and my mommy are having kake. I kant have kake. I get to have a peenut butur biscut instead. What kind of cra Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff. Sorry kidz playing baketball again. I hav to go take kare of this. Happee Birfday Big Buddy!!!

Monday, March 10, 2008

1001 Dachshunds

If you have not heard (they are very publicity shy), Disney is re-releasing 101 Dalmatians on DVD “for a limited time”. If you like dogs, you certainly cannot go wrong purchasing this classic. They don’t go into much detail (again marketing is not Disney’s strong suit), but it apparently is re-mastered as well.

However, let’s say you have only $20 to spend on a dog movie this century. You could go to the store today and buy 101 Dalmatians, a movie you have seen hundreds of times since childhood, before Disney put it in a "vault". Or you could wait for the Big Buddy/Little Buddy production of 1001 Dachshunds, a classic-to-be that you have never seen before. The movie has not yet been green-lighted, but I can say that 1001 dachshunds sure sounds greater than 101 dalmatians, does it not?

So when will 1001 Dachshunds hit the screen? Hard to say at this point. Big Buddy/Little Buddy Productions is stretched a little thin right now. Our development staff is also hard at work on the following projects:

Dachshund or No Dachshund: Twenty-six models hold twenty-six cases, each holding a breed of dog. One of the cases contains a pure bred dachshund!!! Contestants pick a case to keep and then pick the remaining cases to see the dog breed contained within. At the end of each round, “the breeder” will give the contestant an offer of a dog with a percentage of dachshund in it. The breeder wants the contestant to go home with a dog having the least percentage of dachshund possible. Contestants, of course, hope that their case is the one containing the pure dachshund.

Are You Smarter than a Dachshund: Contestants are given challenges to see if they are “indeed smarter than a dachshund". For instance, the dachshund poops. The contestant gives the dachshund a yummie. If the dachshund does not eat that yummie, does the contestant then give the dachshund a second different yummie? If the dachshund eats both yummies, then the contestant is definitely not smarter than a dachshund.

1 vs. 100 Dachshunds: Contestants try to answer questions as a panel of 100 dachshunds bark at them.

Little Buddy Biscuit: The epic story of a dachshund that nobody wanted, but eventually found the right owners and pursued his dream of winning the Wiener Nationals.

Couper’s Poop: Despite claims to the contrary, this crap doesn’t write itself.

You might be asking yourself, “shouldn’t the production company be called Big Buddy/Couper’s Mommy/Little Buddy productions? Wouldn’t that help get these projects finished?” Yes, it should and would; however, whenever we bounce a project idea off Couper’s Mommy she always gives the following answer, “you two are on your own with that one”. We’ll see if those fat cats in Hollywood give us the same feedback. What do you say Disney? If you can’t beat us, join us. We’ll even help you with marketing.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Happy President's Day From The Poop

I don't actually get President's Day off, but Couper's Mommy does. Couper of course has every day off.

My favorite things about President's Day are the bad (usually local) ads. The best was a bed store ad that had a guy playing Lincoln say, "I need to pay too much for a mattress like a need a hole in my head!" (Tasteless? Absolutely. But admit it, when you saw bed store and President's Day, you were thinking, "here comes the Clinton joke". Now who's tasteless?)

I have absolutely no connection between President's Day and Couper. So below is a picture of Couper playing with Quacky the Duck. For one day only, Quacky the Duck will be renamed Mallard Fillmore. (By the way, Quacky Mallard no longer has any legs - guess who is responsible for that? If Mallard were in a President's Day commercial he would say, "I would give my left leg for a deal on a new transmission!")

Happy Valentine's Day From The Poop!

Even though we had Valentine's Day just last year, Couper's Mommy insists that it is to be celebrated this year as well. Assuming she is right, Happy Valentine's Day from the Poop!

Give your little buddies a big hug and keep them away from that box of chocolates.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Couper's Poop FAQ

The following is the long awaited Couper’s Poop FAQ.

What is a FAQ?
Frequently Asked Questions

Do people actually ask questions about this blog?
Rarely

Who is Couper?
Couper is our short-haired red miniature dachshund. He was born 10/1/2002 and came into Couper's Mommy's and Big Buddy's lives on 9/6/2003.

Why are you writing Couper’s Poop?
We wanted to document the many stories about Couper that we have accumulated.

Why should we care? Couldn’t you have just bought a notebook and left us alone?
You might not care. This was going to be a private blog, but the Google login was too confusing, so we opened it up to the world. We had bought a few Dog Journals, but have not filled them out. The internet is more fun anyhow.

There are almost no entries from 2/2007 until 10/2007. What, was Couper hibernating? Or did nothing happen in those months?
I created the blog in 2/2007. I was struggling on how to get started and then Couper was enrolled in “Kindergarten” in 10/2007. I figured that was a good way to really start the blog.

When Couper was in Kindergarten you posted 2 or more entries a week. Now you post whenever. What’s the deal?
I am lazy.

Is Couper a real dog or a composite of many real dogs?
Couper is real.

Is Couper’s Mommy real or a composite of many real dogs’ mommies?
Couper’s Mommy is real.

Is Big Buddy real or a composite of many real big buddies?

I am a fragment of my imagination.

Couper’s Mommy is listed as a contributor, but all posts are from Big Buddy. What kind of crap is that?
Couper’s Mommy is more the managing editor of the blog. I write, she screens. Nothing goes out without her approval. Therefore, if anything stinks, you could say that it is her fault.

In the post of 1/28/2008 you talk about Couper not being able to bring a tennis ball in the house. However in your post of 12/20/2007, you show a picture of Couper in the house with a tennis ball. How do you explain this?
Wizards

With all the pain and suffering in the world, why blog about something as insignificant as your dog?
Real bloggers on real subjects are required by law to blog in their pajamas from their parent’s basement. I have my own house, no pajamas, and there are few if any basements in Arizona. So, we’ll continue writing this nonsense.

Your blog seems like an excuse to post pictures of your dog on the internet. Ever heard of Flickr?
It is an excuse to post pictures of Couper on the internet and I have heard of Flickr. This blog is also an excuse to write about my dog, which is usually a bad idea in something like work e-mails.

Your posts take like an hour to read. How can I get that time back?
Flux Capacitors

I read your blog and hated it. Can I get my money back?
Please contact your internet service provider for monetary refunds.

Your blog stinks. Do I have to read it?
Only if you are a member of Couper’s immediate family.

How many drinks do I need to actually tolerate this blog?
Informal studies show that 4-7 drinks are optimal for Couper’s Poop tolerance. Add an extra drink if you are reading it at work. (Results may vary. Please consult a licensed bartender before starting any drinking program).

It is obvious that this blog is just a rip off of Marley and Me and Bottle Cap Sundaes. How can I sue?
Yes, it is a clear rip off of those books. If you are John Grogan or Patrick M. Sheridan, call your respective publisher. I am sure they have an army of lawyers on the payroll. If you are not one of them, look in the phone book under Attorneys, Shady.

This blog is excruciating. Do they let anybody write blogs these days?
Pretty much.

You didn’t quit your day job to write this drivel, did you?
Once, but not recently.

When the writers’ strike is over, will you hire real writers to write this blog?
No.

Wouldn’t this blog be better if Couper was a border collie named Coelestinus?
If you own a border collie named Coelestinus, yes.

Any chance this blog will quit posting about a dachshund and start posting hard core porn or World of Warcraft cheat codes?
Probably not.

The blog is getting stale. Will you introduce a new character like Scrappy Doo or that little Martian that only could be seen and heard by Fred Flintstone?
Back in the ‘90’s we added a super cool dog with attitude, but it did not go over well. We had to inexplicably shoot him off into space. Our core cast will stay as is for the time being: Couper, Couper’s Mommy, Big Buddy, and our wisecracking neighbor Roy.

The name of this blog is vile. You should be ashamed of yourself. Are you?
Yes. Up to this point, not about the name of the blog, but from here on out I am ashamed of myself about that too.

Do you “write” other blogs?
No. Couper’s Poop is enough.

Don’t real FAQs have a list of linked questions at the top so that I can just go to the question I am interested in without having to read through a bunch of garbage that I couldn’t care less about?
Yes.

Will you update this FAQ?
Probably not.